What makes you, weird?

Today’s assignment is to describe four weird traits that I have. That should be easy because I’m basically a grade A weirdo. We all feel that way though right?

First off if you know me, you may have noticed I always have sunglasses with me. On my head, covering my eyes or stashed away in my bag. This is because I hate the light. This is actual footage of me in direct light, Because I’m basically a Mogwai.

Beach day? No thanks. Not enough shade. You’ll find me in a shady spot down by the river. Or an indoor pool.

Next, you should know, that I hate driving. I’d rather bike, walk, skate, or be driven somewhere. The only thing worse than driving is running. I like to play it off that I’m worried about the environment, but really I’m just a terrible at it (Both running and driving to be honest). I am, however, a fantastic passenger. I never give directions, I don’t care how fast you drive, I mean your doing better than I would so have at it. I have no desire to be in control.

I do always need to know what time it is. I like to be on time, but not to early. It’s extremely important to me that I use every moment of my time the way I want to. I schedule and plan things, and it would appear that I’m very organized, and that am productive as well. The truth is that I’m just lazy. I jam everything I have to do into bare moments and leave the rest of the time to lay around and read, eat, watch tv and play games. When things don’t go according to schedule I usually don’t mind… unless someone is depending on me. Then I lose my shit.

And finally I flirt wrong. If I like you I clam up. I can’t speak. I just listen and try to blend in to the walls. This is because I want you to like me. I can’t risk one false move. I am most comfortable around people I don’t have to impress. I’ll say witty things, make jokes, touch them. It looks like I’m genuinely interested, but I’m not. I don’t care if they like me. There’s no risk. Except I miss out on the truly amusing and they go and marry someone else. It’s all because, I guess, I feel I’m not good enough. Is low self esteem a trait?

Anyway, what makes you weird?

Something I Miss

I miss lazy days. I miss cartoons on Saturday morning. I miss friendships that I never really had. But most of all I miss my Grandma and and my dad.

It’s not a hole, something that eats at me everyday. It’s a true missing. It’s a longing for something that isn’t there. I wish with all my heart my grandmama could meet my children. She’s the only person, I think who would love them as thoroughly as I do. I can’t explain it any better than that.

With my father it’s different. I think of something and I want to tell him, but I can’t. I like to think he knows anyway. If I have a question, like who was the actor in the Twilight Zone episode about the guy in the diner… I can’t ask him. Sure I can google it. I think he used to say it was Superman. Was it? I just want to hear him say it.

I want to watch movies and shows with him. I want to fall asleep on the couch during football season. I just miss him.

Some days are better than others, but Justin Pierre said it best when he said ‘The sad truth of the matter is I’ll never get over it, but I’m going to try to get better and overcome this moment in my own way.’

I guess that’s just how grief is.

Anyway I miss you guys, and I like to think you’re still here with me and watching all the things we do.

Okay so I skipped a couple days

My prompt was to write about a family member that I didn’t like. That didn’t appeal to me as I was about to meet my family out on The Rainbow River in a beautiful house that they rented out for us for the Holiday weekend. Sure I have favorite family members. Why can’t we talk about those ones instead.

Let’s be honest I have THE BEST sister in laws.

My brothers have incredible taste in women. I don’t have very many close female relationships, but I love these women fiercely.

Shellie is a warrior goddess. She is married to my oldest brother Paul and they make a handsome couple. She is fit and strong she runs a tight ship. She has an awesome job and there is nothing that this woman is afraid of. Her house is always spotless, the meals she serves her family are nutritious and she is completely comfortable with herself. I know of no one she compares to. She is not ‘One of those women.’ She is an individual.

Cheryl is a rockstar. She’s got a short blonde pixie cut that changes color with her mood. She’s an artist. A real true artist, making a living out of her creativity. She’s also strong, and beautiful. She takes no shit, and is in control of her life. She’s made my brother Christian a human being and that is invaluable to me.

And then there is Tina who moves like the wind. She’s graceful and funny. She’s laid back, approachable and has the kindest soul. Every time we get together I talk too much. She makes me feel safe and whole and valuable. I truly consider her a friend.

Honorable mention goes to another of my favorite people in the world my nieces mom, Maria. She is the world. She lets everyone in with open arms and feeds their bellies, minds and souls. She’s protective. She fights for what she loves and loves with all she has.

In short I am so happy to have each of them in my life, and lucky to have them all in my family.

My morning routine

I like to lay around in bed as long as possible. Bed rest? Yes please!

That said there is work to be done. Even on the weekends I’ll tear myself from my bed if we are going to do something fun. I sure as hell will not get leave my nest of luxury to sit in the living room and watch made for Netflix kids movies.

Actual footage of me in said nest

So without further ado my morning routine. I wake up later than my husband event though we leave the house at the same time. I rarely sleep to the alarm. I’ll roll around until a couple minutes before it goes off. I’ll shut it off either way and turn on the light. Then I’ll go to the bathroom and wash my face. I might weigh myself if I feel light, I’ll get dressed and go out to the kitchen for a drink. Usually a smoothie. I help the babies finish getting dressed, make small breakfasts, and we leave.

That’s it. The whole ordeal takes about 20-30 minutes.

Like I said. I savor my naps.

Five Fears I Have

Ok so this blog is becoming less polished. Less formal. I knows of like that. It seems more intimate. That said I started this blog to help me become a better writer, so I should probably tidy it up.

Today prompt is 5 Fears I have.

I believe that our fears are exploited. Every generation claims that “It’s a scary world out there, it’s not like when we were young.” I don’t buy that. There has been violence and scandal since the dawn of time. The Bible is full of all the things you could ever imagine to fear. The difference now is a) there are more people b) there is more a fast coverage of horrible acts, and c) we love a dirty scary true crime.

Everyday on Facebook you see a warning. A long post about a scam to steal your money or a lure to take your children. Most are fake. Fear even makes its way into our politics. It may have been an age old practice as well. But one side will play on the other side sphere. Be afraid of guns! Be afraid of immigrants! When really were all just people.

So I’m not really afraid of much.

Except raccoons. There are moderately cute. Except for they have sharp teeth, strange hands…and RABIES! I know that this is an irrational fear. And like most irrational fears it stems from my mother, and a pharmaceutical experience but I choose not to delve into at this point in time. Even though I know this fear is unfounded, it still remains and I’m a little creeped out by raccoons.

But it’s not a legitimate fear.

There are certainly things I’d rather not do, but I’m not really afraid of much.

I am pretty scared of failure. So much so that most times I don’t even try. A lot of the time this comes off at laziness, but really it’s my fear of failure that keeps me laying as low as possible whether it’s my career, school or parenthood if too much is at stake I opt the fuck out. Can’t fail if you don’t try. That’s horrible advice, but some I follow regularly without meaning to.

The Age of Aquarius

Hello again! It’s me writing everyday about things because I promised myself I would.

Today’s prompt is; My Astrological Sign and If it suits me.

I read my horoscope. I’m not sure what my rising sign is, but my sun sign is Aquarius.

Are these traits true? I don’t know. You tell me?

But this is

And so is this for the record.

So yes, according to the memes. I am quite the Aquarius. Seems like a bit of a cop out doesn’t it?

Well too bad. That’s all I have in me for today.

Three random songs and my thoughts about them.

I have so much music on my phone. Hours on hours. I’m a preschool teacher so I have songs about ABCs, shapes, feelings, making a pizza! You name it.

I’m a mom so I have Disney sound tracks and lullabies. I’m working on my inner self so I have meditation and low frequencies brain waves.

I have broadway musicals and a shit ton of pop punk/emo songs.

So when I hit shuffle I got:

This is Halloween the lullaby version

Let it Go from the Frozen soundtrack

MC Lars Should space game

My initial thought when these came on was; crap, I should pick a playlist. None of those songs mean anything to me. I haven’t even listen to MC Lars space game.

So I went on my station and pressed shuffle.

This time I got:

Time Turned Fragile by Motion City Soundtrack

Satisfied from Hamilton the Musical

Off The Hook by BareNaked Ladies

Oh I have thoughts about these songs. So many thoughts.

We can start with Time Turned Fragile.

This song is about a father and son, told from the father’s perspective. Although the sun is singing it if that makes any sense. This song called special place in my heart because my father died of cancer in 2010.

The hook goes ” You used to say that you’re just fine, but I still want her from time to time.” Because as he was ailing we would check on him, he would say he was fine even though cancer was destroying his body.

Moving on to Satisfied

This song is told by angelica Schuyler. She’s the maid of honor At her sisters wedding to Alexander Hamilton. I’m massaging flashbacks to the time when they first met, and reveals that she has a flame for Alexander that will never be totally extinguished. It is scandalous, beautiful, and masterfully written as well as preformed. Check it out.

And Finally Off The Hook

This song is about a woman whose husband is cheating on her. She turns a blind eye time after time, forgiving him for making her feel worthless. Until finally she realizes she’s too good for this. This song has a bumpy baseline and slow but still has that melodic Barenaked ladies feel.